How to stay safe when having guests

 

 

We discuss what you can do to be safe with visitors who live the regular chemical lifestyle, whether they just come for a few hours or stay several days.

 

Keywords:    chemical sensitivity, MCS, environmental illness, electromagnetic hypersensitivity, guest, visitor, socialize

 

 

Having multiple chemical sensitivities (MCS) makes it difficult to socialize. One study found that the average American woman puts more than 150 chemicals on her skin every day in the form of soap, shampoo, conditioner, hair styling, skin lotion, fragrances, sunscreen, and more. American men use somewhat fewer chemicals.

 

Then comes the chemicals left in the clothes from washing them with chemical detergents and fabric softeners, and what they have absorbed from visiting public restrooms, stores, and hotel rooms. Clothes and hair are like sponges that soak up chemical fumes from the air.

 

This all creates an invisible chemical plume around virtually all people who live the regular chemical lifestyle. This is noxious to people with MCS, while regular people are rarely even aware of this plume.

 

Many options

There are several options to choose from to meet the situation, depending on your level of chemical sensitivity, and how cooperative your guests are.

 

The easiest situation is a visit taking place at a picnic table in a park. The most difficult is if the guests will be sleeping overnight in your home.

 

Educating in advance

It is helpful to talk to your visitors in advance about what they should expect and why it is necessary. You can negotiate what they are willing to do for you, just understand that it will appear strange and difficult to understand, no matter how much you explain it.

 

Do not overload them with information. If you mail them a lot of articles or ask them to read some websites, it won’t happen. People have busy lives and a lot of people simply do not have the focus to read several pages of information.

 

Meeting outdoors

If you can be outside for the whole visit, that may make cleanup unnecessary, and it can make a partial cleanup “good enough.” It is just so much easier outdoors.

 

People have used their own porches, picnic tables in public parks, outdoor restaurants, and other places. Some share a take-out meal.

 

Sometimes people have used two separate tables to get enough distance (make sure to sit upwind).

 

If going to a restaurant or public park, time it so there are not a lot of people. That gives more options for where to sit.

 

Visiting outdoors is safer.

 

Supply non-toxic personal care products

Ask your visitors ahead of time what sort of personal care products they feel they have to use. Then see what they can really go without. All most people truly need is a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo, but that will seem very radical to many people.

 

Many people put a lot of their self-worth into their daily make-up routine and how they smell. Of course, billions of dollars are spent on marketing to make people feel attached to certain products.

 

If they have a lot of hair, suggest they use a braid, pony tail or a baseball cap while visiting. That requires much fewer hair products. It also greatly reduces the surface of the hair, which limits the out-gassing.

 

People don’t think of their fragranced products as “fragranced.” To them, a fragrance is some sort of perfume they specifically buy for a particular scent.

 

Some people will insist that the products they use are not toxic. Many products marked as “unscented” contain fragrances anyway, they are there to mask the unpleasant smell of the product itself, which would be unsellable without this “masking fragrance.” Even many products sold in health food stores contain a lot of noxious chemicals, especially essential oils (which are not non-toxic, as they contain solvents).

 

It is much better that you choose products that work for you, and mail them to your guests. They should start using the new products two weeks before the visit, so their bodies have time to get rid of the regular chemicals that are stored in their body fats. (It can take months for some people.) Do not expect them to buy these products. It likely won’t happen, or they may get convinced something else is “better.” They may also balk at the expense.

 

Meeting at home

Even people with the absolutely best intensions will probably not arrive fully non-toxic. Even if they’ve been through this before.

 

When they arrive, try to first greet them outside, so you can safely gauge how toxic they are. It is also a more graceful way to start the visit, rather than having to immediately send them to clean up in the shower (or you getting overloaded with chemicals right from the start).

 

You can ask them to call you just before they arrive or sit in the car and honk the horn, so you know when to get outside to meet them.

 

Plan on them having to take a shower and wear some clothes you provide. Then you may be pleasantly surprised. Perhaps they just need to wear some of your clothes, even without the shower.

 

Before they arrive, place a bin in the bathroom with clothes they can choose from.

 

Guest clothes

If you are very chemically sensitive, it is highly unlikely that the clothes your guests are bringing will be non-toxic.

 

It takes many washings to detox clothes, and many times it is not possible to wash out the chemicals from the laundry products used before. If the person normally uses a heavy scent or fabric softener, that will be embedded in the fibers forever.

 

Their washing machine and clothes dryer will be contaminated with laundry chemicals, and pass them on to the clothes. This is especially the case with machines that are shared with other people.

 

It is a fool’s errand to try to get the visitor’s own clothes safe. The solution is that you have some clothes ready for them when they arrive, that they can change into.

 

Buy some basic pants and shirts in a few sizes. Go for baggy clothes as they’ll fit the most people. Include a few belts to make oversized clothes fit.

 

Be aware that people can be picky about what clothes they will be seen in.

 

Avoid clothes with slogans and large logos of any kind. That removes one possible objection people may have.

 

Choose a variety of basic colors that can be washed many times without fading (avoid very bright and dark colors, especially black).

 

People should still wear their own underwear. It is encapsulated by the other clothes, and people may object to underwear that has been worn by others.

 

Make sure the guests take off and leave your clothes before they leave for the day. Even if they intend to return the next morning. The clothes will otherwise invariably become contaminated. It takes so little, and your guests will not know all the pitfalls there are.

 

For the same reason, don’t try to mail the clothes to your visitors ahead of time. It just won’t work. They will become contaminated.

 

Visiting during cooler weather

It is best to have visitors during the seasons where coats are not needed.

 

Your guests’ winter coats can be very toxic, since they are not washed regularly. Your visitors should leave theirs in their car or someplace else outside, such as a porch or balcony. Another option is to fold their coats and put them in a big trash bag.

 

You should have some warm clothes ready for your cool-weather visitors.

 

Baggy sweatshirts should work well for most people. Again, no large logos or slogans.

 

Lands’ End has particularly warm sweatshirts that are mostly cotton and in muted gray colors. They are also available with zippers so they can be left open or closed to fit the temperature.

 

If you are electrically hypersensitive

Simply ask your visitors to leave all electronic gadgets in their car. That includes cellphones, laptops, tablets, Fitbits, smartwatches, etc.

 

It doesn’t work to ask them to power down their gadgets. People forget all the time. And many don’t really understand that power down does not mean setting them to vibrate mode.

 

Some electronics can still radiate, even if fully powered down.

 

If they leave them in their car, or on another picnic table, you can much better verify compliance. Just assume they are still on.

 

If they insist on having a cell phone on, so they can be reached in an emergency, put that one phone thirty feet (ten meters) away on a table, a rock, or whatever. If you live in a metal or foiled house, it must be left outside, as the radiowares will get trapped inside.

 

The phone can easily be heard ringing from a distance.

 

Coming from afar

If your guests are coming from far away they’ll need a place to stay overnight. If they come by plane or train, they will also need local transportation.

 

Overnight stays

Letting the guests sleep in your home is dicey. At least have a backup plan if it becomes unbearable.

 

Letting them stay at a local B&B or motel should work better. If it is a longer stay, they may eventually get cleaned up enough to sleep in your home after some days.

 

They may expect you to pay for the lodging, since they may see it as something you impose on them.

 

It is important they stay in a place that is not terribly toxic, as they will breathe out for days whatever fumes they breathe in overnight, especially new carpet, new paint and fragrances. Scout out the local options in advance and ask how long time since they last renovated and whether they use electric fragrance devices (“plug-ins” etc). If they use such devices, or have recently renovated, go someplace else. The room will be too toxic, even if you try to air out and remove the offending devices. And your guests will bring that to your home.

 

An extra benefit with staying at a motel or B&B is that people get some “time off.” You get some rest. They can go eat at a restaurant, watch TV, and play with their gadgets, which you may not be able to be around.

 

Instruct them to sweep the room for any and all fragranced products, and dispose of them. Or ask the hotel staff to do it. Or both. Don’t expect perfection, regular people are not used to thinking about such things.

 

Showering at the motel or B&B

Consider asking your guests to shower as the very last thing before they leave to go to your home. That way their hair and clothes will pick up as few contaminants as possible from their room.

 

One person came back the next morning from a motel, and was proud she had gotten out of bed, taken a shower and then gone directly to her car. But she arrived smelling of fabric softener! It turned out she had used the motel’s towels, which were washed with fabric softener that then had rubbed off on her skin.

 

You may need to supply your guests with towels to use at their lodging.

 

Transportation

If your visitors come with their own car, ask if they would remove any sort of air “freshener” or deodorizer from the car at least a week before they leave.

 

If they have more than one car, the oldest may be better, as “new car smell” can really make people toxic.

 

If they arrive by plane or train, they’ll need some sort of ground transportation, such as local buses and trains, a rental car, Uber/taxi, or private vehicle.

 

You might not want to pick them up at the airport yourself, but you could hire a neighbor to do it.

 

If they need a rental car, be aware that regular rental companies only keep their cars for one year. That means they will always be new and toxic. There are rental companies specializing in “older” cars (they are well maintained and not that old, so they are reliable). These cars tend to be a lot less toxic, and cheaper too.

 

In the United States there is a chain of such rental places called Rent A Wreck. There are also a slew of independents, which usually have similar cheeky names, such as Ugly Duckling or Last Resort Rentals.

 

If renting an older car is not feasible, try to rent a European or Japanese brand, as they tend to be less toxic than American brands.

 

Arrival from afar

When people have to travel far, their clothes will be toxic. It is simply unavoidable. All they need to do is visit a public restroom for 30 seconds, or walk into a convenience store.

 

If they travel in a very toxic vehicle (new car, packed airplane, etc) they may breathe in so many toxic fumes they will be breathing that out again for days. You may need to ask them to stay overnight in a local motel before the first visit.

 

Be realistic

It will not be perfect, you will get some exposures during the visit.

 

Some guests simply will not cooperate, especially in individualistic cultures like the United States. No amount of convincing will work. They may not argue with you, but still arrive wearing all their usual products. They see your disability as your problem, not theirs.

 

Some people rationalize that “it is only a little bit, that can’t be a problem,” or they may say “I have a sensitive nose, I would know” and they really don’t. Chemical sensitivities come at many levels, and people with the milder cases can be as oblivious as the rest.

 

Resistance

Many people need to feel that they have control; that you are not controlling them. This can be more important to them than whether their choices will hurt you or not.

 

It may help if they can choose among three shampoos you have determined are safe enough, rather than you just telling them which one to use.

 

Similarly, if they have to wear your guest clothes, give them choices.

 

Don’t do this

Don’t ask people to change clothes outside, or worse, ask them to strip before entering the house. It is too undignified and too radical. There are always alternatives, including staying outside the whole visit.

 

One person demanded a journalist strip outside before entering the house. The article became one of the most hateful ever written about people with MCS.

 

 

More information

Hundreds of other articles on how to cope with chemical sensitivities are available on www.eiwellspring.org.

 

2025